An area of great confusion appears when ever love and sexual attraction combine. Human sexual energies are vital, life promoting forces. They are the voltage or vital pressure in all human relationships. Because of the strong and powerful potency of sexual energies, it is possible that they can be felt so intensely as to over shadow all other aspects of a person’s life. Today in our society, great social pressure and emphasis is placed on quickening the mental and physical development of our young. Our society has become so competitive that we have lost sight of Nature’s precise, unforced rhythm. We have forsaken Nature’s harmonious beat of life for an upbeat, forced version; one that uses for its marching tune material ambition, domination, and all manner of gratification. This kind of premature emphasis encourages and rewards our young to exhibit behavioral skills and abilities beyond what they are capable of comprehensively expressing.
Premature attention to sexual development represses the development of the mental and spiritual aspects of human life. Our young are encouraged and pressured to behave in an adult manner, without the appropriate background of mature reason. The result of this premature pressure toward sexual “adulthood” is an “acting out” or an imitation of established adult sexual behaviors, without the necessary background of experience needed for mastery. The sexual actions of our young are thus mere imitations, synthetic acts that lack knowledge. This cultural encouragement of premature mental and physical development forces our young people into sexual situations far beyond their experiential capacity, while at the same time offering little guidance, aside from some sterile educational programs. The higher mental and spiritual controlling aspects of our young people’s constitution are sadly neglected.
To get a better understanding of the dynamics of sexual energy and love, lets project an imaginary couple, named Jack and Jill. Jack and Jill, both seniors in high school, first met while attending the same history class. When Jack first saw Jill his heart jumped with excitement. Jill’s physical appearance exactly matched Jack’s ideals of what an attractive female should look like; from the style and color of her hair, to the style and color of her shoes. Jack’s powerful sexual energy now had an objective, but his capacity to love was greatly limited because of his lack of knowledge of himself. Keep in mind that knowledge of one’s self is not concerned exclusively with name, birth date, outstanding physical attributes. etc., etc., but with knowledge of one’s higher self. Jack was very fearful that Jill would not respond favorably to his expression of affection. In short, he was fearful of being rejected. Yet, his strong sexual energy pushed him toward Jill. Jack would act silly and playful anytime he was near Jill. This kind of behavior, he hoped, would make Jill take notice of him. Spurred on by his sexual energy Jack finally evoked enough courage to talk with Jill. He found her receptive. Jill’s receptiveness pushed Jack to take a greater risk. He asked her out on a date, and Jill accepted the invitation. Jack was wonderfully excited. His imagination began to take over. He imagined all manner of situations where he showed Jill his sterling character, and ultimately would win her heart and her body. Mostly his imagination focused on sexual fantasies, connected to great displays of manly prowess.
Its seems self-evident, that the initial motivations fueling most relationships are self concepts and sexual energy. Of course, sexual energy and its expression is directly tied into concepts of self. This package of self concepts sets the conditions and the limitations of the quality of one’s capacity to love.
Jack’s sexual energies are strong, but his overall conception of himself is weak. Because of the vital nature of Jack’s sexual energy and its tie to his weak self conception, Jack’s sexual prowess is suspect and can be easily threatened. If Jack’s sexual prowess is jeopardized, either real or imagined, his reaction may manifest sever emotions, such as, anger, hatred, revenge, or rage. The weaker the self conception the stronger the negative reaction. This is the kind of baggage that Jack brings into the relationship with Jill.
When Jill first saw Jack, she thought he was “cute.” His tall lean body, sandy hair, and blue eyes corresponded to her ideals of what a male should look like. She especially was attracted to Jack’s playful, boyish manner.
Jill enjoyed school, and was accomplished in academics, music, and sports. She had positive conceptions about her abilities to culturally succeed. In short, Jill had a higher sense of self-esteem than Jack.
When Jack asked Jill for a date her acceptance was based solely on sexual, physical attraction. She was flattered by his shy, boyish expressions of affection, and judged that his naive and juvenile behavior made him a “safe” personality to be with. Although Jill had a strong sense of self-worth, she misguidedly attached great importance to the romantic belief system currently outlined within the culture. This belief system says females must gain parity with males, with regard to social prestige, through job or career opportunities and achievements, and at the same time must be sexually alluring, and be emotionally sensitive to everyone’s needs. Jill was trusting, and her ability to express love was of a higher quality than Jack’s. However, her belief system created conceptual barriers that convoluted the quality of her love expression.
Jack had suggested that they go to a movie and after, go for a hamburger. Jill agreed, but insisted on paying for the hamburgers. Jack reluctantly agreed. His ego was however, slightly dented. He wanted to lead, and “show himself off,” through the entire date. Jack picked up Jill and drove to the movie theatre. All was going well. They had enjoyed each others company. At the movie theatre they had to wait in a line to buy tickets. While waiting, Jill saw her friend James. She excused herself and ran out of line to talk with James. She greeted James with a huge, and talked for several minutes. Jack was furious. ‘How could she be so fickle, especially after I had given so much of myself to her?’ He thought Jill ungrateful in the extreme. Jack’s frail ego was stressed, and his emotional insecurity erupted. Even though Jack had not related to Jill in any “real” manner, for any meaningful length of time, he had invested a considerable amount of time and energy in her by way of fantasy and imagination. She had become the subject /object of his fantasies, desires, and will. Thus within his imagination, he and Jill were deeply related , and any slighting, real or imagined, perceived by Jack from Jill was a hammer blow to Jack’s imagined relationship with Jill.
Jill returned to her place in line with Jack. Jack needed all of his mental restraint to make an emotionally controlled inquiry as to the identity of the boy Jill was talking with, and what was his relationship to her. Jill immediately detected Jack’s irritation, but could not understand its cause. Jill explained that James was her friend since elementary school. Jack was not entirely satisfied with her explanation. His ego still smarted. However, he managed to bring his anger to the point of control.
They sat through the movie and after, ate without further incident. Yet there continued to be a lingering strain or tension between them. Jack was motivated by two desires, both relating to the expression of his sexual energy. He wanted to “make love” with Jill to satisfy his sexual urge and imagination, and at the same time to rebuild his cracked ego. He drove to a secluded place, parked the car and made an attempt to kiss Jill. Jill anticipated what was coming and made no attempt to discourage the situation. She wanted to find out what it was that was bothering Jack and to help make it better. Also, the romantic situation excited her sexual imagination. Their sexual energies, imagination, and cultural expectations took over. Soon they were locked in sexual passion.
We should not become excessively interested in the outcome of Jack and Jill’s relationship. If you understood their psychological profiles, you could easily project several credible scenarios. The important point is to realize how sexual energy can direct the course of a relationship, especially among young people with little mental and emotional maturity. The dynamics that initiated Jack and Jill’s relationship were centered on physical and psychological sexual attraction. Although love was a small ingredient of their relationship it was of a selfish quality. Pure love, in this case was at best potential. Love, the kind of which the poets sing is scarce. Lust however, is abundant, as Gautama the Buddha states:
“Of all the worldly passions, lust is the most intense. All other worldly passions seem to follow in its train. Lust seems to provide the soil on which other passions flourish. Lust is like a demon that eats up all the good deeds of the world. Lust is the viper hiding in a flower garden; it poisons those who come in search only for beauty.”